Come To Me Who Are Married with Kids.... Wait! That's Not How It Goes!
I have been thinking.... That is when things get dangerous!
After visiting a number of churches with a desire to meet people who are like-minded, I have come to a conclusion.... I feel like an alien!!!
Obviously, I am not the only one who feels this way. How do I come to that conclusion? Churches are not exactly swarming with singles. Actually, I greeted for a season at the main entrance. Each Sunday, I could count how many singles came each time on one hand if any showed up at all.
Yet, statistics tell me that half of adults in the US are single. In my own county, 46% of adults are single.
Ultimately, how is church relevant to singles these days if it is at all?
This is a test....This topic has been on my mind so often. I talk to other Christian singles. Oddly enough, I am feeling a huge disconnect in terms of what is possible to achieve in terms of a church community becoming worth the time of single individuals to attend.
That is a nice way of saying I am not feeling any headway.
I do not want to complain. I do want to make a difference.
I am not going to publicize this blog. I do want to see if this is something that will gain traction because singles are craving a dynamic relationship with Christ and for genuine community. My prayer is this will reach men and women alike.
I knew trouble was coming
I worked for a major denomination for several years. Around the 2005 range, I don't remember the exact year, there was a major push that began with churches changing to a young family focus. There was a major concern with the decline of church involvement and attendance. The thought was get young families into the church who will be invested and to get the kids while they are young to guarantee family involvement for the long term.
At that point, I saw singles ministries start to become eliminated from churches. Yes, there are problems and challenges with singles groups, I confess, but now singles were getting intentionally forgotten. Wow!
An interesting thing happened. Yes, there was a temporary small bump in church attendance. But what happened after that is telling.
Church attendance has gone from 45% of the US population in 2005 to 25% in 2019 and 2020. We can't blame the pandemic here ladies and gentlemen! Add to the pain with the fact that adults as they got older show a significant decline in attendance. Source: https://www.barna.com/research/changing-state-of-the-church
I am reading stats that 25% of adults that attend church are single. Honestly, I am scratching my head over that number when I look around different churches I visit. I have heard some church leaders I know mention they see that number as being closer to 10% in their own congregations. Granted, from what I hear, major cities do have more active singles ministries so that may explain the gap. Stats are based on averages at the end of the day. I am curious to see where the numbers are at after going through the pandemic.
I have talked to enough people to know that there are many cities around the country who are lacking any ministry towards singles.
Bandaid is not a solution
There is obvious a real crisis happen in the church as a whole. There are core reasons why people have stopped going to church.
1. Broken trust. I don't need to elaborate here. Not only do we have our own stories, but we have heard them from those that we interact with. Actually, I had someone tell me two days ago that he is done with the church, but Christ is still a priority in his life. We all know people like that. I have zero desire to judge someone dealing with that kind of pain. I have been through it myself. I do encourage people to not stay there. To press into Christ and to go through a process of forgiveness to break free of the chains of hurt.
2. Religiousity. Basically people are more concerned with how they appear on the outside and appearing more religious than others. I can careless about appearances myself. I do care about the quality of relationships I allow into my life, not about impressing others. It is my personal opinion that with people focusing so much on the outside does interfere with the growth of deeper friendships and relationships.
3. Hypocrisy. Hear me out here. I know people are human. I know I have changed as I have moved forward with my life. What I am talking about here is an ongoing state of overlooking major discretions of church leadership. I know a lot of people who have been broken locally by a pattern of sin in church leaders lives, Christians and non-Christians alike. This does not include the number of emerging scandals that are emerging now internationally among megachurch pastors.
As I write this stuff down, I feel overwhelmed. Partly due to conversations I have had in the past week. I see people so entrenched in a way of thinking and extremely resistant to view other perspectives.
Join me for the adventure
I have been doing a lot of research recently. I am just not feeling it with what I see being offered to those who are single and Christian these days in terms of articles or videos.
I am glad people out there have found there Mr & Mrs. Right. However, it does not erase the crisis that exists in the church in general right now on so many levels, not just singles.
I do feel strongly God wants to show His love to those that are single in a much bigger way, whether we feel led to get married or not.
I do plan to explore these issues more deeply. I do not plan to give nice platitudes. I do plan to pray. I do plan to explore where God is leading me in this area of life because this challenge has been on my heart for a long time. I pray for transformed lives where the church can truly be relevant and a place of real community and healing to all people of all backgrounds.
“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” Matthew 11:28-30
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