What Does A Welcoming Church To Singles Look Like?

What do I envision in a ministry to singles?

If you read the post, where I give a broad brush stroke of what I was imagining, you were probably left with a lot of questions. The ultimate goal is to create an environment where singles feel welcome and can build relationships in general. Through these relationships, they will have room to heal and to work on building trust. Most people I know who are single or divorced and older tend not to have great relationship models to learn from in their life. 

I feel like this is why groups consisting of just singles can be so toxic. I am not saying everyone who comes is broken, but there are enough that do come that can make a singles only ministry difficult for leaders and attendees to navigate through. 

For a long time I was broken due to poor relationship models and not having any kind of emotional support as I was battling life threatening illnesses. 

As my body healed, God taught me a lot about myself and gave me a lot of insight. Not all of it was self-evident. It really was like encountering a mystery and God kept giving me clues to sort through and piece together not only what happened, but gave me an understanding of how it effected me. I gathered info from medical professionals and then asked my parents questions. With the facts, they were able to put the pieces together as well to understand the physical ramifications. Then at the right time, God led me to read the right book to understand the emotional and spiritual ramifications in my life. 

Even now, how the whole process happened fascinated me. I have always loved mysteries and God used something I enjoyed to lead me into the truth of my life. 

Even recently, I have started meeting with a small group of women where we are having some great conversations about what God is doing and challenges we are facing. I am soaking so much in from them and their experiences. There friendships has been healing as well. It is a mixture of married and windowed women who are absolutely amazing. I am so thankful to have them in my life. 

I felt an open door from my pastor to discuss some of my ideas…. 

So I approached the singles leader. I have to say I felt the door slam shut in my face. I was really discouraged. I did not want to start another negative relationship cycle. And that verse in Matthew kept ringing in my mind: 

If anyone will not welcome you or listen to your words, leave that home or town and shake the dust off your feet. Matthew 10:14

But I didn’t want to complain either. I really wasn’t seeing any other open doors around me. So I started this blog. I know there is a need. I am part of a large unreached mission field in this country. 

Also the church attendance is shrinking. As of pre-pandemic, church attendance was down to 25%. Weeks 50% of the country are now single adults. A church focused on young families only leaves the church as irreverent to half of the country. In all the churches I have been to of late, singles are clearly a very small percentage of those who attend or visit the church. 

Singles groups are mostly on life support if there is one at all. (Some large cities do have active singles groups from what I hear.) 

Ways to make church relevant to single adults

First of all, this will vary from church to church and community and community. I recommend church leaders to talk to single adults individually and in groups at the church. If church leaders could talk and ask questions to single adults in the community that aren’t going to church, that would be an excellent way to get the pulse of what is going on in a community and to find out why they are not attending. 

I also envision a group forming consisting of singles, couples without children (another group that often feels left out) and maybe even empty nesters. (Hey, they have a lot of wisdom from life experience and trying to flesh out what this new phase of their life without kids will look like.) 

Step 1: Commit to meeting for regular prayer to about breaking all strongholds that exist that are keeping people from coming to church as well as asking for guidance on making the church more welcoming, approachable and relevant to singles.  Singles especially have a lot of strongholds in their lives keeping them away. I firmly believe any kind of ministry to welcome singles will involve a lot of spiritual warfare as well as guidance. Also name the characteristics you would like to see among the people involved in this group. It will help guide decisions keeping these characteristics in mind. 

Step 2: In an age where there is no formal fellowship any longer on Sundays, figure out steps the church can take to allow singles, families without children and empty nesters to meet and talk. Being herded in and out of church is alienating. Families often have family time to look forward to on Sundays. Singles often go home without having a group to connect to. How this is handled in each church will vary. I know a lot of churches have some sort of coffee area for fellowship. I know personally, these areas are intimidating because it looks like everyone already knows each other. Even if I do get something to drink, rarely am I greeted by anyone since they are deep into their interactions. Intentionality to meet and get to know newcomers is vital. 

Step 3: Have a main regular gathering for these populations. Kinda like youth group, but not youth group. As the group grows, expand out to bible studies and prayer groups customized to the interests of those attending. Allow all active members to initiate events for social outings and activities. The key is to keep things dynamic. See who steps up. If a problem emerges, work out the issue with that person individually. 

Step 4: Be creative with outreach. Think outside of the box. The majority of singles have bad experiences with church or the religious. It is key to hear what they have to say. It is not about changing their minds. It is about sharing how this groups handles things based on what they are sharing, ask questions on what they are searching for most with relationships and leaving them with an invite. Most people love pens. Think of a give-away that has the church info it. Key is think of something that people would want to keep on hand after the interaction. 

Of course, there is a lot of room for creativity and personalization to your community. 

So many singles are jaded from early on now. Giving them the chance to build relationships with a variety of people will help with finding healing. Having couples as part of the group not only eliminates the dynamic of graduating from a group, but helps add balance and a level of accountability when pickup tactics get out of hand. And when people feel safe, they will be able to open up to be more themselves. With singles, it can take awhile for some to relax and build up enough trust to let their guard down. 

Building trust and community is critical for reaching singles in our current culture.